If you find yourself in the market for a new place in Galveston, Texas, I’d go with Miss Terrilyn Tarlton based purely on her fancy alliterated name and multiple billboards featuring the above image. An extra piece of billboard had to be added just to accommodate the girth of her hair. Look at the cocksure expression on her Aryan face. When I transition to a woman I want to be her.
Much love and gratitude to my resilient gay and queer comrades who paved the way.
The fine folks at Luxury Diva™ have made turbans über-accessible and affordable ($17.99) on Amazon.com. I know what you’re thinking but, no, I don’t want to wear them (unless I’m reenacting scenes from Postcards From the Edge). I want the turban and the mannequin head. And I want a bunch of them in all different patterns (the turbans) and ethnicities (the heads) until my house looks like the evil queen’s in Return to Oz.
Re: 11/2/10 Newsweek interview
How do gays play into your argument that men are turning into chicks?
The argument I’ve had with a lot of gays is that they essentially present themselves as women. So, you tell your straight assistant, “Hey, go out to my car, get this sack of concrete out of my trunk and bring it to the office,” and he goes and does it. But if I turn to my gay assistant and ask him to do that—and I had a gay assistant—he’d turn to me and be like, “Are you high, buddy?”
The logic of Adam’s argument is murky at best. What he seems to be saying is that gay men, like women, are either A. insubordinate to straight men or B. feel that physical labor of any kind is a man’s work. While this is typical Carolla shtick—-his argument is both ineffective and problematic.
Since I am the gay male assistant Adam is using as an example, I can say that my response to him had more to do with my personality and sense of humor and less to do with my queerness. His example is not indicative of gay men, it’s indicative of Matt Siegel. Or it was at the time.
I don’t remember any specific incident like this but I can definitely see jokingly serving him some snark in response to a request like this. It irks me that five years later, he pulls something like this out of context and makes it exemplary of all gay men. And women for that matter.
In reality, I did a lot of manual work for him because that was the bulk of what he asked for. I helped put up trellises all along the perimeter of his property because he was paranoid that a gang of violent men in the Hollywood Hills was watching his house (a psychic guest on Loveline planted this seed in his gargantuan head). I became well-acquainted with the Do It Center in North Hollywood and Stock Building Supply (both L.A. and valley locations). Just the other day, one of my students made reference to a Sawzall and I knew what it was thanks to my time with Adam. (A Sawzall is some kind of saw power tool situation.)
The most problematic part of Adam’s sentiment is that, in this climate of extreme hostility toward gay and queer people, even though he may say “I like gays. I have gay friends,” this sort of discourse only fuels the anti-gay inclinations among his target audience: young, straight men. I wish he would leave me out of that.
And I guarantee you that after a comic “what you talkin’ bout Willis?” moment, I brought in the fucking concrete.
[If you want to know more about my Carolla experience, read my 2009 Queerty piece.]
Names names names: Nike, Jansport, Ugg, Victoria’s Secret. The ladies of Iowa City are reclaiming pink in bold new ways. Don’t dare them to pair fuchsia with cotton candy–they’ll do it. They’ll even throw in a fierce teal or a muted camo as a little “fuck you.” This year, independence day comes early (or really late?). Throw that hair into a pony and get to class with spring in your step–you can get your roots done over Thanksgiving break.