Fuck Hurt Locker, I wanted Jeremy Renner ever since I saw him portray serial killer, Jeffrey Dahmer, in the film, “Dahmer.”  I would let him fuck me, carve me up like so many Thanksgiving turkeys, and devour me any old day.

I thought I saw him once when I was drunk in West Hollywood and I was like, “You, you’re Jeffrey Dahmer–no, no, no I mean you played Jeffery Dahmer.”  And he denied it.  And I was like you’re not a big enough star to deny that you are who I know you are.  Rude.