The fine folks at Luxury Diva™ have made turbans über-accessible and affordable ($17.99) on Amazon.com. I know what you’re thinking but, no, I don’t want to wear them (unless I’m reenacting scenes from Postcards From the Edge). 
I want the turban and the mannequin head. And I want a bunch of them in all different patterns (the turbans) and ethnicities (the heads) until my house looks like the evil queen’s in Return to Oz. 
You can thank Bil Browning for leading me to you. (I just wish it was sooner.) All I can say is I cannot WAIT until I have a few hours to fully read your blog.
You are absolutely one of my new favorite writers/persons/humorists/essayists.
You are an amazingly gifted young man.