Category: ‘Hollywood Squeerz’

Unabashedly Lo-Ham: F U

July 8th, 2010

To You From Me

Unabashed Casting Recall: James Franco as Allen Ginsberg

June 13th, 2010

Thumbing through my LA Gay and Lezzie Film festival guide, I was forlorn to see a too-attractive wasp sitting at a typewriter wearing a white tee and Buddy Holly glasses with the word “HOWL” next to it and, moreover, the name “James Franco” under that.  I say Goddamn!  Put a hot guy in anything and gays will eat it up.  Shit.  Ginsberg wasn’t a hot Aryan, he was a handsome Jew.  James Franco is a mere showpiece, a tart.  Where’s Jeff Goldblum when you need him?

It's fun to be a gay beat poet!

Unabashed Queer Manifesto

May 5th, 2010

Unabashed Dream Deferred

May 1st, 2010

To be the only white female cast member on In Living Color.

You have to be in the back of the cast photo but you’re still the only funny cracker bitch.

Unabashed Call Out: Doug Benson is Gay

April 21st, 2010

Now I’m not one of those gays who thinks everyone is gay but comedian Doug Benson is gay.  Fine.  Mum’s the word, I don’t care.  But when you start fronting like you bow at the velvet meat curtains, I have to call a queen out.

While partaking in Pot Christmas, April 20, I tuned into the lackadaisical 2007 documentary, Super High Me, starring Mr. Benson, and knew I was watching a fellow sista.  He has the walk: the stiff, controlled gait of a man with a secret.  He has the voice: a throat that’s not satisfied without a dick in it.  And, finally, he has gay face (see link).  He’s a classic closet case using marijuana to avoid his gay reality.  It’s okay honey, I get it.

Beneath the Sheets

I wouldn’t bother to bring this up except that in one scene of his stand-up comedy which is interspersed throughout the film, Benson starts talking about how pussy is one of his favorite things other than weed!  Now this is where I draw the gay line: you don’t front like you prone to pussy eating when you’re really a Cockstruzel.  Please.  The only pussy he likes is cat.  His pussy of choice is asshole.  The pussy he visits most is a glory hole in a park restroom.  In which case, I like pussy too.

Unabashed Defecation: Do the Doo

March 30th, 2010

Okay, I used to dream of creating my own satire of the NOH8 campaign called NOSTR8 and maybe one day I’ll realize that dream.  Until then, there is DEFEC8…and my Queerty article about it.

Unabashed Schooling: Sandra B. READS Kathy G.

February 25th, 2010

I came across audio from the Howard Stern Show with guest Sandra Bernhard waxing poetic on fake, phony, and one shtick pony, Kathy Griffin.

Feasting on a Kathy Salad

Feasting on a Kathy Salad

Stern: We had Kathy Griffin here yesterday.

SB: Oh God.  Jesus Christ.

Stern: Tell me your feelings.  I want to know because you are an elder statesman of comedy.

SB: Well she’s no spring chicken but listen…she came to success late in life.  She loves my ass and she’s come to see many times and she’s taken my basic premise which is to disseminate pop culture.  However, when you’re somebody of my level and intellectual ability, I take it and I layer it.  I don’t just throw a cake.  I  give you a seven-layer sacre torte.  She came and took the base elements of what I did and–who can’t put on a Kate Gosselin wig and go “Gahgaghgahgahgah!”  I mean that’s all she does, “Gahgahgahgahgah,” like a shrieking harpy freak.  Every time she has a special on Bravo it’s the same fucking special every goddamn time.  I’ve written fifteen shows in the past ten years and every one of them touches on something new and interesting that is really revealing where we’re headed as a culture.  I don’t just jump into the waters of present culture.  I’m on the precipice of what is happening.

Unabashedly Fashionly: Yours Truly

February 17th, 2010


Can’t a bitch get her low-fat cappuccino without flashbulbs popping?

Unabashed Throwback: A 1990′s Joke

February 9th, 2010

Why did the gerbil get stuck?

He couldn’t get out of Gere.


Unabashedly L.GAY: Coming to an LA Gay/Les Center Near You

December 30th, 2009

The LA Gay & Lesbian Center aka the House of Hues aka the El Gay aka the the (Yes I) WILLtern aka the Club (I never say) NOkia–is THE performance venue for all of our most treasured queer legends.  And I DO use that term loosely.

screen-3_014I was tardy in reporting one of the funniest queens this side of Anaheim, a one Miss Leslie Jordan, who was performing her one woman show, Full of Gin and Regret.  Look her ass up on the google-net, facebook her, suck her dick and receive $75 or a new pair of sneakers.

Have no fear cause the queen of quirk, our very own Major Tom Space Oddity, Miss Beth Lapides (Lah-pee-dis) is beaming into the Renberg Theatre on Saturday, January 9, for one-night of her solo show, 100 % Happy 88% of the Time.

Bethy started out on those mean, penis-centric Hollywood comedy club stages back in the day and DID THINGS HER WAY…  bethlHer UN-CABARET comedy workshops provided me a soothing environment, not unlike Desitin on a fat lady’s thighs, in which to get my start speaking my gay mind to the peoplez.  And look where I am now!  I got a blog, some videos on YouTube, and just filled out $755 worth of grad school applications.  Don’t hate the player, hate the game, y’all.

Speaking of PLAYAS…don’t nobody fuck with the real queen bee…whew jenifer_lewis_actresslawdy my fingers are on fire just typing her name, MISS JENIFER LEWIS, as I live and breathe.  She started out on Broadway as one of Bette Midler’s Harlettes and has since become known as the black mother of Hollywood.  She sings, she acts, she dances…she holds nothing back; just the way we like it.  So definitely see her show, HOT FLASH, this February.