Category: ‘Tragedy Train’

Unabashed RIP: Custom Car Decals

June 19th, 2010

A special request for when I leave this earth: please don’t memorialize me via custom car decal on the rear windshield of your car.

Today on Sunset and Vine, the Kia in front of me memorialized Tay-Tay (1981-2009), not with a decal, but scratched into the paint.  There’s something more custom about keying your own car which I can appreciate.

Unabashed Literature: Raquel Welch “Beyond the Cleavage”

April 26th, 2010

Actress, Mother, Designer of high-end wig line: What’s left to do?  Write a shitty book.

From Whether refusing to change her name to Debbie–because producers considered “Raquel” too ethnic–or to lie about her age, even to the detriment of her career, she has evolved elegantly over time into a true champion for women who defy traditional aging.

Along with bringing baby boomers into her confidence–she offers essential tips for staying motivated and positive past fifty, as well as divulging her secrets for fabulous hair and makeup–she even talks to today’s younger generation of women about the importance of carrying themselves with dignity and self-respect.

Unabashed Confessions: People I Shouldn’t (But Would) Fuck

April 23rd, 2010

The Menendez Brothers: both of them.

Unabashed Casting Call: Grease XXX

March 2nd, 2010

Porn director Axel Braun (take a rock star’s first name and pair it with a paper towel company) announced yesterday that he is holding auditions for “Grease XXX,” a “big-budget (porn) parody” of the 1978 film, “Grease.”118120_r3Per the Xbiz website: The movie will feature five different dance numbers requiring talent to do their own singing and dancing.

Per director, Braun: “Many performers are incredibly talented individuals who have simply chosen to make their living in the adult industry for personal reasons. ‘Grease XXX’ will give all of them a real opportunity to shine!”

A real opporuntity to shine.  In Grease.  I bet that wasn’t on purpose, either.

I’m gonna take a shot — a greasy, shiny shot — at possible song/dance numbers to be included:

Hopelessly Devoted to Goo

Born to Hand Job

Summer Dykes

You’re the One that I Want (to fuck)

Look at Me, I’m Tommy Lee

There Aren’t Worse Things I Could Do

We Cum Together

b. murph: was it my fault?

December 20th, 2009

tv-animation-11I was literally–no joke–singing the praises of Brittany Murphy not 12 hours ago…and I wake up to find out she died this morning.  This is the first celebrity death of 2009 that makes me sad and B. makes me nervous that the entire casts of the Real Housewives of Atlanta and New Jersey are going to die because I was talking about them last night, too.  God, you can have all of them EXCEPT Kandi.


Unabashed Promotion: Says Oprah

December 18th, 2009

Says Oprah to this plane crash survior:20090924-tows-stephanie-nielson-2-290x218

“You know I recently interviewed Whitney Houston and she has a song out now called ‘Didn’t Know My Own Strength,’ which is my favorite cut, number seven on the album…”



Unabashed Cheese & Crackers: The Blind Side

November 20th, 2009

I don’t care if it’s based on a true story, Sandra Bullock’s new film, The Blind Side, makes me want to go blind and deaf and just die.

Admittedly, I have only seen the 2-and-a-half minute trailer, but I think I get it.

Bullock plays Leigh Anne, a Memphis socialite who is, as one reviewer describes, “always on the lookout for an opportunity to be a good Christian.” To make a long, stupid story short,  Leigh Anne takes a homeless black youth into her huge house and makes him part of the family.  Ebony & ivory forever!

The Blind Side is the perfect self-congratulatory cheese to pair with CRACKERS this holiday season.


Unabashedly Lovely: The Evolution of My Courtney Love

November 10th, 2009


In 2007, I was working a miserable job at MTV with a batshit crazy boss who tried to force herself onto me as my fag hag.  It was very violating.  I prayed a big rig would hit me every day during my two hour commute to Santa Monica.  When Halloween came around and I was ordered to plan a Halloween party for the staff, I decided I needed a costume that would allow me to be ill-behaved all day long.  So I settled on Courtney Love circa ’95.

Imagine me arriving at work, kicking trash cans, panties around my ankles, yelling at people—and not getting fired for it.  It was perfect.

Since that year’s Courtney was kind of haphazzardly created, I wanted to try it again in 2008.  This year’s Courtney v.3 was the best–and the last.  I’m throwing in my tiara.   Keep reading to see the evolution… (more…)

Unabashedly Wrong: Kim & Nene Are Not Patsy & Edina

October 30th, 2009

This post was written last week during the 2nd part of the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion:

I choked on my tofu stir-fry last night when Andy Cohen, the Bravo network exec (who turned himself into on-air personality [eye roll]), compared Real Housewives, Kim and Nene, to AbFab’s Patsy and Edina.  Pssshhhh!  Only in their wiggiest dreams.  Those ignorant bitches don’t even know who Patsy and Edina are.

Furthermore, Andy Cohen, you annoy the ever-loving shit out of me, you high-falutin’ gay media honcho.  But I’d fuck you–and by I’d fuck you, I mean you’d fuck me, of course.

Bossy Bottom in the house.



Unabashedly (Oh) Fatherless: Gay YouTubers Sing Same Madonna Ballad

September 27th, 2009


Daddy issues forever.

Sad Madonna is my favorite Madonna.  As I scoured YouTube for Madonna ballads, I noticed six cover versions of her 1989 tres dramatique why-daddy-why track, Oh Father…all performed by gay men.  Score 1 for Nurture!

My favorite contribution comes from a rotund young man who calls himself “BittersweetSuperstar.”  He mixes a depressing montage of family photos, child abuse statistics, makes himself up to look like he’s been hit in the face--AND includes a small child (also with fake bruises on his face) acting out the lyrics.

Bittersweet wants you to know that “no people were hurt or abused for the making of this video.”  The video is tagged with keywords: vogue, child abuse, Oh Father, and neglect.

2. PaulyWoodGaGa admits that he “got a little emotional” while singing his version. (more…)