Category: ‘Hollywouldn’t’

Unabashed Response: To Adam Carolla From His Gay (Former) Assistant

November 24th, 2010

Re: 11/2/10 Newsweek interview

How do gays play into your argument that men are turning into chicks?

The argument I’ve had with a lot of gays is that they essentially present themselves as women. So, you tell your straight assistant, “Hey, go out to my car, get this sack of concrete out of my trunk and bring it to the office,” and he goes and does it. But if I turn to my gay assistant and ask him to do that—and I had a gay assistant—he’d turn to me and be like, “Are you high, buddy?”

With Tori Amos in 2005

The logic of Adam’s argument is murky at best.  What he seems to be saying is that gay men, like women, are either A. insubordinate to straight men or B. feel that physical labor of any kind is a man’s work.  While this is typical Carolla shtick—-his argument is both ineffective and problematic.

Since I am the gay male assistant Adam is using as an example, I can say that my response to him had more to do with my personality and sense of humor and less to do with my queerness.  His example is not indicative of gay men, it’s indicative of Matt Siegel.  Or it was at the time.

I don’t remember any specific incident like this but I can definitely see jokingly serving him some snark in response to a request like this.  It irks me that five years later, he pulls something like this out of context and makes it exemplary of all gay men.  And women for that matter.

In reality, I did a lot of manual work for him because that was the bulk of what he asked for.  I helped put up trellises all along the perimeter of his property because he was paranoid that a gang of violent men in the Hollywood Hills was watching his house (a psychic guest on Loveline planted this seed in his gargantuan head).  I became well-acquainted with the Do It Center in North Hollywood and Stock Building Supply (both L.A. and valley locations).  Just the other day, one of my students made reference to a Sawzall and I knew what it was thanks to my time with Adam.  (A Sawzall is some kind of saw power tool situation.)

The most problematic part of Adam’s sentiment is that, in this climate of extreme hostility toward gay and queer people, even though he may say “I like gays.  I have gay friends,” this sort of discourse only fuels the anti-gay inclinations among his target audience:  young, straight men.  I wish he would leave me out of that.

And I guarantee you that after a comic “what you talkin’ bout Willis?” moment, I brought in the fucking concrete.

[If you want to know more about my Carolla experience, read my 2009 Queerty piece.]

Unabashedly Lo-Ham: F U

July 8th, 2010

To You From Me

Unabashed Casting Recall: James Franco as Allen Ginsberg

June 13th, 2010

Thumbing through my LA Gay and Lezzie Film festival guide, I was forlorn to see a too-attractive wasp sitting at a typewriter wearing a white tee and Buddy Holly glasses with the word “HOWL” next to it and, moreover, the name “James Franco” under that.  I say Goddamn!  Put a hot guy in anything and gays will eat it up.  Shit.  Ginsberg wasn’t a hot Aryan, he was a handsome Jew.  James Franco is a mere showpiece, a tart.  Where’s Jeff Goldblum when you need him?

It's fun to be a gay beat poet!

Unabashed Queer Manifesto

May 5th, 2010

Unabashed Dream Deferred

May 1st, 2010

To be the only white female cast member on In Living Color.

You have to be in the back of the cast photo but you’re still the only funny cracker bitch.

Unabashed Literature: Raquel Welch “Beyond the Cleavage”

April 26th, 2010

Actress, Mother, Designer of high-end wig line: What’s left to do?  Write a shitty book.

From Whether refusing to change her name to Debbie–because producers considered “Raquel” too ethnic–or to lie about her age, even to the detriment of her career, she has evolved elegantly over time into a true champion for women who defy traditional aging.

Along with bringing baby boomers into her confidence–she offers essential tips for staying motivated and positive past fifty, as well as divulging her secrets for fabulous hair and makeup–she even talks to today’s younger generation of women about the importance of carrying themselves with dignity and self-respect.

Unabashedly In Memoriam: Joo-lee-ah Shug-uh-baykuh

April 13th, 2010


All hopes of a Designing Women reunion dashed.

Fill in your own Julia Sugarbaker Rant Madlib then read it aloud in an old money southern accent.  It feels good.

Unabashed Defecation: Do the Doo

March 30th, 2010

Okay, I used to dream of creating my own satire of the NOH8 campaign called NOSTR8 and maybe one day I’ll realize that dream.  Until then, there is DEFEC8…and my Queerty article about it.

Unabashed Mammy Moment: Barb & Mo’

March 8th, 2010

barb_mo“Mo’Nique, may I lay my head on your bosom?”  -BW

Unabashed Schooling: Sandra B. READS Kathy G.

February 25th, 2010

I came across audio from the Howard Stern Show with guest Sandra Bernhard waxing poetic on fake, phony, and one shtick pony, Kathy Griffin.

Feasting on a Kathy Salad

Feasting on a Kathy Salad

Stern: We had Kathy Griffin here yesterday.

SB: Oh God.  Jesus Christ.

Stern: Tell me your feelings.  I want to know because you are an elder statesman of comedy.

SB: Well she’s no spring chicken but listen…she came to success late in life.  She loves my ass and she’s come to see many times and she’s taken my basic premise which is to disseminate pop culture.  However, when you’re somebody of my level and intellectual ability, I take it and I layer it.  I don’t just throw a cake.  I  give you a seven-layer sacre torte.  She came and took the base elements of what I did and–who can’t put on a Kate Gosselin wig and go “Gahgaghgahgahgah!”  I mean that’s all she does, “Gahgahgahgahgah,” like a shrieking harpy freak.  Every time she has a special on Bravo it’s the same fucking special every goddamn time.  I’ve written fifteen shows in the past ten years and every one of them touches on something new and interesting that is really revealing where we’re headed as a culture.  I don’t just jump into the waters of present culture.  I’m on the precipice of what is happening.